Confessions of a new mom (part 1)

This next part needs a bit of background:

For those of you who do not follow every single piece of my life story, Easton has been sleeping on a wedge in our room since he came home from the hospital. The wedge keeps him at a very tilted incline, which reduces reflux (see picture in link http://www.infantreflux.org/tucker_wedge_sling.htm ).

Once it was determined he didn't have reflux, the wedge was unnecessary, but he liked it so much we figured we would just keep him in it. The picture has the baby on its belly, but Easton sleeps on his back. The problem with the wedge is that his neck flops over and down to one side (darn that gravity), which is making his torticollis worse (oh good grief people... keep reading... I'll explain the torticollis in a minute) AND second problem is the wedge (as far as I know) only comes in baby sizes, which will be very problematic at some point.

Torticollis: read about this on wikipedia (yeah, i know... wikipedia is BAD and is not scholarly and shouldn't be used for any purpose other than taking up space on the internet... but seriously? wikipedia is fine for my blog.) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Torticollis#Congenital_muscular_torticollis

I suppose instead of all this I could've just said, "Easton is all grown up and sleeping in his crib, in his room, and flat on his back," but then I thought everyone would be all like "where was he sleeping before?" or "what do you mean on his back?" or "will she ever get to the point?"....

So after all of this background info, my confessions are these:

1) Yes. I still very much enjoy making lists.
2) I am VERY afraid someone will break into the house and steal my baby.
3) To prevent the said baby theft, I have done a couple things (boobie traps, if you will) that will alert me if someone is trying to steal my child.
4) I can't discuss the things I have done because the person who is plotting the baby-napping is likely reading my blog because they are, after all, psychos who are stalking me and my family.
5) Yes. I am somewhat paranoid and probably would benefit from therapy.
6) I check on my sleeping child no less than 15 times from when he goes to bed until when I go to bed and no less than 10 times after that.
7) Sometimes it's too dark to see if he's breathing so I blow on his face, which startles him thus proving to me that he is still alive.
8) Adding to above comment... no, I can't just listen for him to breathe because I have the fan next to his crib so that he has an adequate supply of "white noise" because according to the Happiest Baby on the Block book, he needs this white noise to survive.
9) Yes. I realize the fan will probably catch fire and I won't realize this is happening until it's too late.
10) Yes. I have checked and rechecked the smoke alarm in his room and have found the green light is flashing, which is different from the other smoke detectors in the house where the light is solid green - not flashing green.
11) Yes. I have repeatedly pointed out the green flashing light smoke detector to my fireman husband, who as assured me to the point of threatening divorce that the smoke detector is fine.
12) NO. I don't know why being a fireman automatically makes you the final freaking authority on smoke detectors and NO I do not think it's unreasonable to call the manufacturer to make sure the green flashing light is, in fact, acceptable.
13) Anyhow, moving on. The "Sleepeasy Solution" book is crap. I suppose if you want to listen to your child scream for an hour every night of your life while you sit at the opposite end of the house chugging down wine or martinis in an attempt to numb the overwhelming guilt and pain you feel because your sweet sweet sweet baby boy is screaming so hard he's making himself vomit and his pj's are wet from tears, then I guess the "Sleepeasy Solution" is just up your ally.
14) I have found that rocking my child for 5 minutes and then setting him in his crib is very successful and better for everyone involved (except the wine and martini companies, who are probably suffering as we speak from the financial loss of losing me as a regular customer).

I really have plenty more confessions, but figured I would save those for another day. I really didn't expect to become such a nutcase from motherhood. Who knew?